I will give you $100 to PULL THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!

Today marks 38 weeks since Kenny proved that his boys can swim. 38 weeks! I’d say 37 of those weeks were spent in general comfort. The past week has been spent in general discomfort, and I’m sad to say I probably have 2.5 more weeks of this. So what new tricks has Chicklet pulled out of her bag this week?

Well, for starters, there’s the “let me grind my head on your cervix” trick. They don’t really tell you about that one in the pregnancy books. It’s kind of like getting a pap smear from the inside, only with a longer duration and more pressure. Needless to say, these antics have sometimes caused me to stop mid-sentence and probably contort my face god-knows-how.

Then, there’s the “let me see if I can snap your rib with my foot/butt/knee” project she has recently undertaken. This started Wednesday night after a particularly jarring cervix grinding session (one so painful that I actually looked at the clock to note the time in the event it was a contraction). Chicklet has decided that the cervix grinding wasn’t enough, and that she instead needed to wedge body parts under my rib cage. She’s been pretty considerate about her pokes and prods up until now. They might have been uncomfortable, but they never hurt. These new jabs have me practicing my labor breathing techniques! I’m never sure what body part she’s pushing up under there, but I’m positive she’s going to snap a rib here soon.

If she’d just knock off these two games she’s playing with me, I’d only be mildly uncomfortable. I still feel like my hips are going to come apart any day now (and I walk like it, too), and the contractions that come every 20-30 minutes ALL DAY LONG are getting irritating. Especially since they don’t seem to be doing any good- I’m still just barely dilated, same as I was 2 weeks ago. But I should count myself lucky. I’ve managed to get this far without swelling, heartburn, fatigue, stretch marks or the other complaints most pregnant women have at this stage. My weight is right on target, and I’ve actually managed to get through the last 2 weeks without any weight gain at all (I was afraid I’d pack it on in the final month). Walking is a chore, but I’m still keeping active by swimming. Yoga went out the window two weeks ago when I asked myself, “What’s the point?”, but I’m still able to stretch and practice my birthing exercises with Kenny. So overall, other than the fact that I’m still lugging a watermelon around in my belly, I guess I’m pretty lucky.

As for the rest of my life, things are coming together. We finally got our baseboards and thresholds installed in the house, so it no longer looks like we live in a continuing construction project. All that’s left on the major-item agenda is new carpet for the bedrooms, but that can wait. We also have all of our necessary baby gear in the house. The final piece was the car seat, which we received on Tuesday. It only took me an hour to figure out how to install it, but we’ve got it up and running now. We just have to remember to take it with us to the hospital- a task that I won’t leave up to Kenny, since he seems to have inherited my pregnesia. You know it’s a sad day when I’m the one reminding him of appointments he has! I think both of our brains have just checked out now that we’re just hanging around waiting for the little grinder/rib-snapper to arrive.

That's all for now. We have another doctor appointment on Wednesday, so hopefully we'll have something to report.