Labor Induction Methods That Don’t Work Part 2: Spicy Food

So there’s this silly myth out there that spicy food (or "Mexican food" for those who generalize) can induce labor. I say this is silly because if it was actually true, I, as well as most of the pregnant women in the State of Texas, would never have to wait to go into labor. You see, we eat LOTS of spicy food down here. It might be Mexican food, or it might just be something I cook at home that involves liberal quantities of cayenne pepper. Either way, if it was going to cause labor, I doubt I would be here writing this now.
I figured that spicy food probably wouldn’t work for me (again, since I’m writing this now, you know the outcome already), but decided to try it anyway. Being a connoisseur of Mexican food (I eat Tex-Mex at least once a day), I figured it would not do the trick in terms of spice since I've developed a resistance to it. I opted instead for what I consider the food with the greatest potential for overdone heat: Chinese food (since I generalize too, this includes Thai food). Those guys will get you with those black peppers if you’re not careful! Last week, after the acupressure didn't work its magic, Kenny and I went to a local Chinese restaurant (we walked, hoping to induce labor, of course) in our neighborhood. I ordered some spicy dish—it had two peppers next to the name on the menu, indicating maxed-out spiciness. I was sadly disappointed until they brought out the side dish of crushed red chilies in chili oil. Yes, I was convinced this would bring Chicklet out screaming. I doused my food in this pepper sauce, but all it gave me was a burning tongue. It didn’t even give me indigestion. That’s actually what I was hoping for. I really think it’s not so much the spices in the food that trigger labor, as it is the mother’s inability to stomach those spices. They get the digestive system all worked up, and one muscle spasm leads to another, and soon enough, the uterus wants to get in on all the muscle spasm action going on down there in the digestive tract, so it joins in, causing contractions and eventually labor.
Unfortunately, due to all the cayenne pepper I regularly ingest, I have a digestive tract of steel. Crushed red pepper is not enough for me. I need those peppers that will kill you if you eat too many of them. Anyway, the moral of the story is: Spicy food (or “Mexican” food if you’re from up north and lump it all together like that) doesn’t induce labor. Next post: the full moon.

Labor Induction Methods that Don't Work: Part 1- Acupressure

Today we begin a series of posts on the various natural labor induction methods that I've tried in order to get this kid out. Today's topic is acupressure. For the past three nights, I've tried acupressure on the pressure points just above my ankles, and the points between my thumb and index finger. Since I'm still here typing, you obviously know the outcome of this method: it has not worked. This is not to say I'm giving up. Each morning and each evening, I intend to continue to press on these pressure points in the hope that one day something will actually happen, other than just bruising myself. I even bought a hand-held massager to rub on them to help out a bit. It's funny, though, for all the times I've been warned by various people NOT to push on these pressure points "unless I want to run the risk of early labor," now that I actually want them to do something they're proving sadly ineffective. For example, Kenny and I went to Relax the Back last night to pick up an exercise ball to use during labor, and as I browsed their various massagers, I was told by the woman who works there not to use it on my calves or I might go into labor. I looked at her and asked, "Where exactly on my calves am I not supposed to use it? Can you show me exactly?" Like I fooled her. I probably looked unbelievably desperate as I asked. I then told her I was full-term and approaching my due date and looking for any way possible to jump start things, so she showed me. Of course, it was the same pressure point that hasn't been doing anything for me thus far, so my heart sank a little. Then, Kenny sat down in one of their massage chairs and started testing it out. He told me to come over and try it, at which point another sales person stepped in and said I couldn't because, you guessed it, "it might send me into labor." Please people!! Can't you see that I WANT to start this process? Do I not look ready to you? This isn't a watermelon under my shirt, and I'm not just happy to see you. I have what appears to be a pretty good sized human being (helped along by the box of Nilla Wafers I ate this weekend) under my shirt and she needs to come out! I think I'm going to scope out that store again, maybe disguised as someone with a pituitary problem or benign stomach tumor (we've all heard those stories), and sit in that chair. Who knows what other accupressure points it can hit that might just do the trick. Of course, now that the sales person has cursed the chair by promoting its labor-inducing qualities (the kiss of death for any induction remedies, I've decided), it probably won't work. Next post: spicy food.

Sadly, not much new to report...

So we had yet ANOTHER doctor's visit today- my 39-week visit. I was sincerely hoping that I wouldn't make it to this visit before going into labor, but now I guess all I can sincerely hope for is that I don't make it to the next one. Nothing has really changed in the world of dilation. I've progressed another .5 cm in the past week. Yippee. On a positive note, the baby's head is much lower than it was last time. She's measuring at the minus 1 station now, which didn't mean anything to me until I saw it on a chart. Her head is just about even with my hip joints, which might explain the significantly increased hip pain I've felt over the past week and the waddle-walk I've recently adopted.
Towards the end of the visit (after she said "see you next week," which made my heart sink), I pleaded with her as to whether there was anything we could do to speed this process up so I wouldn't have to be induced. The only thing she suggested was sex...apparently the thing that got us into this situation can also get us out. I've been reading up on all the other "natural" labor induction techniques, and that one by far sounds like the best one. The others involve drinking nasty oils, ingesting questionable herbs, and doing things that generally would upset even the most stable digestive tracts. At this point next week, I'm sure I'll be willing to try them all. Hopefully we won't have to!

I will give you $100 to PULL THIS BABY OUT OF ME!!!

Today marks 38 weeks since Kenny proved that his boys can swim. 38 weeks! I’d say 37 of those weeks were spent in general comfort. The past week has been spent in general discomfort, and I’m sad to say I probably have 2.5 more weeks of this. So what new tricks has Chicklet pulled out of her bag this week?

Well, for starters, there’s the “let me grind my head on your cervix” trick. They don’t really tell you about that one in the pregnancy books. It’s kind of like getting a pap smear from the inside, only with a longer duration and more pressure. Needless to say, these antics have sometimes caused me to stop mid-sentence and probably contort my face god-knows-how.

Then, there’s the “let me see if I can snap your rib with my foot/butt/knee” project she has recently undertaken. This started Wednesday night after a particularly jarring cervix grinding session (one so painful that I actually looked at the clock to note the time in the event it was a contraction). Chicklet has decided that the cervix grinding wasn’t enough, and that she instead needed to wedge body parts under my rib cage. She’s been pretty considerate about her pokes and prods up until now. They might have been uncomfortable, but they never hurt. These new jabs have me practicing my labor breathing techniques! I’m never sure what body part she’s pushing up under there, but I’m positive she’s going to snap a rib here soon.

If she’d just knock off these two games she’s playing with me, I’d only be mildly uncomfortable. I still feel like my hips are going to come apart any day now (and I walk like it, too), and the contractions that come every 20-30 minutes ALL DAY LONG are getting irritating. Especially since they don’t seem to be doing any good- I’m still just barely dilated, same as I was 2 weeks ago. But I should count myself lucky. I’ve managed to get this far without swelling, heartburn, fatigue, stretch marks or the other complaints most pregnant women have at this stage. My weight is right on target, and I’ve actually managed to get through the last 2 weeks without any weight gain at all (I was afraid I’d pack it on in the final month). Walking is a chore, but I’m still keeping active by swimming. Yoga went out the window two weeks ago when I asked myself, “What’s the point?”, but I’m still able to stretch and practice my birthing exercises with Kenny. So overall, other than the fact that I’m still lugging a watermelon around in my belly, I guess I’m pretty lucky.

As for the rest of my life, things are coming together. We finally got our baseboards and thresholds installed in the house, so it no longer looks like we live in a continuing construction project. All that’s left on the major-item agenda is new carpet for the bedrooms, but that can wait. We also have all of our necessary baby gear in the house. The final piece was the car seat, which we received on Tuesday. It only took me an hour to figure out how to install it, but we’ve got it up and running now. We just have to remember to take it with us to the hospital- a task that I won’t leave up to Kenny, since he seems to have inherited my pregnesia. You know it’s a sad day when I’m the one reminding him of appointments he has! I think both of our brains have just checked out now that we’re just hanging around waiting for the little grinder/rib-snapper to arrive.

That's all for now. We have another doctor appointment on Wednesday, so hopefully we'll have something to report.

Assembly: nearing completion

This could refer to Chicklet, of course, but it refers instead to the house.  We are nearing the point where we can sit back and chill out for a bit.  The baseboards and quarter round molding are painted and ready to be installed (I opted out on the installation myself - after discovering that our floors were less level than we believed, I decided to forgo spending loads of time on it in order to spend time w/ Cindy, and instead will outsource it to the guys who quickly and cheaply finished installing our wood floors.).  The thresholds / t-molding that bridge the doorways between rooms or materials (wood/tile) are sanded and sealed.  The rooms are painted.  The shelves are installed.  We're pretty much just waiting on the baseboard/threshold installation (which will all happen in the matter of a few hours) and the carpet (we are still choosing samples, but are ok w/ the fact that the carpet will come post-Chicklet).

We are weeks or days away from Chicklet's arrival - there's no way to know.  We're getting more and more excited, and it's getting more difficult to wait.  We don't really have the choice, but we hope she'll get here a bit early.  She's due in 2 weeks and 5 days, but we're not counting.  The end of this week would be nice - Chicklet: if you're reading this in your intra-uterine pad, get the lead out.

Cindy mentioned in an earlier post that she didn't believe that the crib would be set up quickly.  She'd heard horror stories of how cribs are so difficult to assemble, and take forever to set up.  Whoever has those problems apparently has never lifted a screwdriver.  Granted, Cindy and I assembled the crib together, but I'd say 15-20 minutes was about right.  It was pretty much connecting A to B.  Maybe it's that whole modern mentality about ease-of-assembly in the modern furniture, who knows.  ;)

Speaking of modern furniture, today we discovered that we bought an incorrect piece of furniture.  We bought the Argington Picchu Dresser, thinking that we could use the top for a changing table instead of buying the more expensive Argington Delphi Changing Table.  The Picchu Dresser has a lip around the edge just like the Delphi Changing Table does - a feature designed to hold in the changing pad.  Both pieces of furniture are designed for a baby's room, so common sense dictates that the lip on the Picchu Dresser would serve the same purpose.  Unfortunately, we didn't compare dimensions, and discovered today when trying to fit the new changing pad that Cindy bought that the Picchu Dresser is too small and is, in fact, not designed to hold the changing pad.  I will cut the pad down to size and we'll use the Dresser as a changing table, but everyone should make sure that what you're buying functions as you think it is supposed to be before laying out the cash.  So what exactly is the point of the lip around the edge of the Dresser if not for holding in a changing pad?  My guess is mostly to maintain a similar aesthetic as the Changing Table - a datum that runs across the room through all the furniture.  They've made it work, though, as a method for stacking multiple dressers - one over the other (the base of the Dresser fits inside the lip of the one below it).  Whatever.

There's a mattress in Chicklet's crib now.  Cindy grabbed an organic cotton stuffed Serta Baby Mattress.  Rock on - we had a huge credit from a bunch of double gifts we'd gotten, and those organic mattresses are expensive.  

Oh - I didn't mention the final touches on Chicklet's room!  Last week I went to Ikea to pick up some more shelves for the office, but they were out of stock (I had called specifically to make sure they were in stock so that I wouldn't have to waste a 25 minute drive to Round Rock, but apparently spoke to a moron).  Instead, I walked out w/ several shelves in white, pink, and red that Cindy and I installed on one wall of Chicklet's room in a staggered pattern.  I also got two lamps that are somewhat amorphouse in shape and made of blown frosted glass -  the interior of one is red and the other is white.  You stick a low watt bulb in there and the whole thing gives a soft red or white glow to the room, so that right there is Chicklet's rockin nightlight.

So that is my dry matter of fact post on recent events.  I've been working a lot, but tomorrow's our final deadline for this project.  We'll all be moving on to other projects this week - anything else for the current project will be bits and pieces, but it will no longer be full time.  Thank god.

There's nothing that's gets a father-to-be in gear faster than...

...hearing the doctor say "Ok, it'll be any day now."

Today we had yet another doctor appointment (our 36 week appointment) to check on the status of things. The doctor checked me out and said I've started to dialate just slightly, and that it really could be any day now. Kenny looked at her with eyes the size of golf balls, swallowed audibly, and said "Did you say 'any day?'" She confirmed this, and he suddenly realized why I've been nagging at him to finish putting the house together. I'm sure that Chicklet won't make her grand appearance for another few weeks, but nonetheless I appreciated the swift kick in the butt the doctor delivered to Kenny in terms of needing to get things in order just in case.