Labor Induction Methods That Don’t Work Part 2: Spicy Food

So there’s this silly myth out there that spicy food (or "Mexican food" for those who generalize) can induce labor. I say this is silly because if it was actually true, I, as well as most of the pregnant women in the State of Texas, would never have to wait to go into labor. You see, we eat LOTS of spicy food down here. It might be Mexican food, or it might just be something I cook at home that involves liberal quantities of cayenne pepper. Either way, if it was going to cause labor, I doubt I would be here writing this now.
I figured that spicy food probably wouldn’t work for me (again, since I’m writing this now, you know the outcome already), but decided to try it anyway. Being a connoisseur of Mexican food (I eat Tex-Mex at least once a day), I figured it would not do the trick in terms of spice since I've developed a resistance to it. I opted instead for what I consider the food with the greatest potential for overdone heat: Chinese food (since I generalize too, this includes Thai food). Those guys will get you with those black peppers if you’re not careful! Last week, after the acupressure didn't work its magic, Kenny and I went to a local Chinese restaurant (we walked, hoping to induce labor, of course) in our neighborhood. I ordered some spicy dish—it had two peppers next to the name on the menu, indicating maxed-out spiciness. I was sadly disappointed until they brought out the side dish of crushed red chilies in chili oil. Yes, I was convinced this would bring Chicklet out screaming. I doused my food in this pepper sauce, but all it gave me was a burning tongue. It didn’t even give me indigestion. That’s actually what I was hoping for. I really think it’s not so much the spices in the food that trigger labor, as it is the mother’s inability to stomach those spices. They get the digestive system all worked up, and one muscle spasm leads to another, and soon enough, the uterus wants to get in on all the muscle spasm action going on down there in the digestive tract, so it joins in, causing contractions and eventually labor.
Unfortunately, due to all the cayenne pepper I regularly ingest, I have a digestive tract of steel. Crushed red pepper is not enough for me. I need those peppers that will kill you if you eat too many of them. Anyway, the moral of the story is: Spicy food (or “Mexican” food if you’re from up north and lump it all together like that) doesn’t induce labor. Next post: the full moon.